Lofty Ambitions

So I'm thinking about writing a play about how my grandpa and grandma met back in the 40s. I've never written a play before. Ever. Sure I've performed in a few plays but writing one seems a lot more arduous and daunting than learning just my own lines and few of the other characters'. The research is going to be difficult because they've both passed on and my own mom doesn't know as many specifics I would need to really flesh out their story.

But I have a wonderful opportunity to display my work. The performing arts group that I'm working for is working on opening their very own theater. I'm nervous, I'm thrilled, I'm a jumble of conflicting emotions. What's better than on opening night knowing whether or not you have the chops to be a writer? Already, you have an assorted group of people, different ages, races, religions all coming to view your work. I wouldn't do this good of a job if I hired the test subjects myself.

I've tried to get my writing out to friends for research sake and I've concluded that unless one of my friends is an editor with an unlimited amount of time to devote to reading, I will never really know what my friends think of my writing.


Lady Jane

The Pop Culture Allusion

My husband and I love to watch The Big Bang Theory and also pause to read the vanity cards at the end of the show. This is where I learn so much about Chuck Lorre and the television business in general. In the most recent episode of TBBT in the vanity card is where I learned that the writers of TBBT watch Downton Abbey! I love reading allusions in literature, but it's just cooler for a pop culture fiend like myself to see allusions to another great program that is leaps and bounds in a completely different category being referenced. I think I missed my calling: writing for a popular television show. My whole life is television, just ask my siblings.

Blogging

Do you ever feel like everyone else has their life figured out? That you're the only scrambling to find something to create, produce that is totally and completely yours? I have a friend, Danny, who has always had her act together. I met her back in 2005 in an English/History humanities course at the local community college. She had just graduated high school, myself out of it for the past three years. She knew what courses she had to take to get her associates degree banged out in exactly two years with an impeccable grade point average to boot. I, at only a mere 21 was completely speechless at this independent, go-getter, hippie 18 year-old. It's because of her that I even finished going to college, not only because she pushed me and encouraged me along the way, but I'm a bit competitive too...(with myself).

Now, she has a very successful craft, sewing, cooking blog along with a precious daughter and doting husband to take of. I've never actually asked her how many hours of sleep she gets at night. Those determined types must survive on something else other than food, water, and sleep. I bet it's some secret elixir that only inductees into the "It Must Get Done At Any Cost" club get after strenuous tests to prove their eligibility. I'm still applying.

At the risk of sounding like a bitter, jealous teenager I'm actually very proud of Danny for all that she accomplishes and still looks great doing it!

I love you Danny and thanks for keeping me in check.

~Lady Jane

p.s. you seriously should check out her blog though, it's amazing!

http://mommyforreals.blogspot.com

Literary

One of my favorite movies is Stranger Than Fiction. It is perhaps the most unique film to grace the silver screen in decades.

I love that: Will Ferrell is an understated funny, Dustin Hoffman exudes literature professor and eludes to his Rain Man days with his bombarding questions about numbers and figures, Emma Thompson is so obsessed with how to kill Harold Crick that she flirts with suicidal psychopathy.

There are too many scenes to name that are memorable. However, I'll do my best to highlight a few.

"Well Harold, I'm sad to admit that there is nothing literary about you." Prof. Jules Hilbert (Hoffman)

I cry a little inside every time I hear that. My whole life is about writing and making connections about life through the films I watch. Shakespeare even believed that "all the world's a stage..." so when I stop to ponder about my life I wonder "Am I the star of my own show?"

Another favorite film (for different reasons) broaches this very topic in a dialogue between two characters, The Holiday.

It is this scene that Kate Winslet's character receives sage advice from a retired Hollywood film writer that she is not acting like the heroine of her own life. "Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are the leading lady, but for some reason you're behaving like the best friend." She realizes that she is merely acting upon outward stimulus, not choosing what to do before a situation presents itself.

I have found too often that I let others determine my role in this life. When I don't show up wearing the same clothes as everyone else, that's not weakness on my part, that's courage to be myself, to go against the norm, to swim upstream, etc. etc.

Now that I have pummeled that tangent to death, here's another great quote from Stranger than Fiction:
"Did you just say 'little did he know?'`I've written books on little did he know. I've taught courses on little did he know. I once taught a seminar all about little did he know. Little did he know. That means there's something he doesn't know, which means there's something you don't know, did you know that?"  - Prof. Jules Hilbert

Even though Professor Hilbert is fiction, I'm jealous of his knowledge of third person omniscient. I've been to my share of English Teacher conferences and have thoroughly enjoyed myself, call me a nerd. Too late, I already did. I wish I could go every year. There are so many interesting, unique, thoughtful, inventive ideas on how to teach English to the digital teenager.

So my goal is to try to be more literary. Find moments in my life as a SAHM to explore the literary side. I guess that means, back to the book.

Until next time!



~Lady Jane

Cultural

I should probably do some research before I start complaining, but I hate to research, and I'm an English major (a very complex individual)... Anyway, I would really like it if someone did a research paper on which cultures are the more openly exuberant.

I've met my share of a few cultures, okay I'm lying, most of them have been from watching TV. But I did meet a few rowdy Italians in London on a trip with the hubs back in the day and boy howdy were they loud and proud of it.

So what I'd like to know is if my in-laws' reserved nature is cultural because it's all foreign to me.

Maybe it's the feisty Irish, the boisterous Mexican, the passionate French in me that overpowers the reserved English nature. (I've got quite the pedigree) On a side note, not joking my grandmother's mother was Mexican so that makes me...drum roll please an 1/8 Mexican. Although to look at me no one would consider it.

But I digress.

So who wants to take on that project? Or find the research for me?


~Lady Jane

Nerd

I'm not gonna lie, I've always had a kindred connection to the geeky and let's face it ridiculous. Heck, I even asked my blind date (I call him husband now) if he liked Star Wars; an important measuring stick for future dates. If he didn't like Star Wars, he was going to learn to like it. We watch a few TV shows on the SYFY network, our favorite being Warehouse 13 and Alphas, another favorite is Doctor Who. It completes the trifecta.

We are impeccably perfect for each other:

We know a plethora of useless pop culture trivia. I have now become my mother's own search engine. Ask Jeeves? No way, ask me.

We know lyrics to otherwise unknown tunes.

We both get excited when we find a Cheeto shaped like a caveman's club.

We speak in accents to each other usually no one else is around.

After a blissful (hectic, exhilarating, momentous, etc.) nine years of marriage, we're still as nerdy as we've ever been, perhaps even more so.

And on that gushy note, I'll be excusing myself now.


~Lady Jane

Obstacles

It started out as the camping trip from he- you know. We forgot our blankets, pillows, sleeping bags and had to turn around and drive back for them after we already left an hour and a half later than I wanted to. Then while driving I remembered that we forgot to bring our box of chips and hot dogs, I suppose it wasn't that big of a deal since we were coming closer and closer to civilization and could buy another pack of hot dogs and a couple bags of chips. When obstacles get in my way I immediately think of, "who is trying to stop me from going? or doing this thing?"

Similar obstacles befell me when I started my first day as a vocal coach. My babysitter got into a fender bender leaving school and I had to bring F with me which meant working it out with my husband to meet me at the studio to pick F when he got off work and switch cars. Then as I was heading out to my husband's car and I tried to turn the lock with my key, nothing happened. F was already in bed by the time I was done teaching. Hubby couldn't come and rescue me. Luckily, I had a spare key which turned out to be for the lock and nothing else.

I wonder if that's why my hair is falling out in thick strands? Am I stressed? I suppose these new hats of home ownership and voice teacher that I've donned have magical properties that release my hair from its roots.

I try to remember that there is only so much I can control. I'm trying to be better about sorting through the mail and reminding myself to pay the bills (hubs has been the primary bill payer for about the last nine years of marriage). There are days where I feel really in control of my life, but when obstacles find their way to me, I lose my footing. Blogging has been my stabilizer though since I haven't devoted time to write more in my book. It's nice to have a release that I can always come back to, something that I know I will never tire from.

~Lady Jane

Unlikely

Inspiration hit me last night around 11 pm. Completely unheard of in my universe. I'm more of a thinker, doer in the morning hours, so what do you think I did? That's right, I did not go straight to the computer and write it down, nor did I pull out my smart phone to type in the thought either as it sat right there on a pile of books on my nightstand, literally less than a foot from me. I assumed that if it was important enough or clever enough that I would remember to pull it out of my subconscious in the morning. WRONG! I read somewhere (probably from Goldberg) to immediately write down a thought that comes to you. I suppose that's why she said she always carried a notebook with her every where she went.

For an avid writer, such as myself you would think that sudden inspiration would be more important than sleep. An author friend told me that the only uninterrupted time she got to write was after all the kids and even her husband were in bed.

Perhaps, one day I will actually finish the book I started my junior year of high school. If I deem sleep more important than writing, then finishing is highly unlikely.

~Lady Jane

Profession Confession

Sometimes I watch James Lipton's "Inside the Actors Studio". I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish I was in the audience when he's interviewed certain people (none of them come to mind right now), heck sometimes I wish I was the one being interviewed, excerpts of my work displayed on the giant screen. But the one question he always asks that gets me thinking is, "What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?" In another life I wanted to be a prima ballerina. I can dance, and I learn fast (at least I think I do). I think the desire manifested itself when my cousins took ballet. I was beyond jealous. And it manifested itself again in high school when I was posed with the task of choosing a Phys Ed credit (traditional P.E. or dance). The choice was a no-brainer. I wasn't the most coordinated gal so dance seemed to be the least embarrassing of the two options in front of me at the time. It's amazing how quickly a girl can feel graceful with a short ballet unit.

I just finished watching a documentary on Russian prima ballerinas called "Ballerina" (I found it on Netflix). * GULP * If I was an aspiring Russian ballerina I would have been kicked out at twelve. Ballet choreographers don't like hourglass figures, long and lean is their motto. Thus the ever-constant dreaming of having the right body type for it. I wonder if those ballerinas ever wished to have a fuller figure?

So, what profession would you like to attempt?

~Lady Jane

I Knew I Could Do It

I love it when I figure things out. Since having F I've felt like, at times, my brain doesn't operate at 100% like it used to. For the longest time I couldn't update my pages (have you even looked at those? Yes, those tabs at the top of the page for the curious eye) and it was driving me nuts! Do you want to know the problem, I had been able to post under another email login but I couldn't really change anything about my blog (especially the stuff that I wanted to change). I figured out I needed to name my other login an admin too. * SIGH *  That feels so much better!

But on another note, I feel like my life is going to become very stressful in the very near future. I'm going to have to learn how to really prioritize my time. I recently accepted an offer to be a vocal coach for a performing arts group. Yes, I sing too.

A couple of pros:
I'm getting paid!
It's in the afternoon so it shouldn't interfere too much with the home life
I'll be improving on my skills as a singer as well as my teaching skills
I get to do something fun

And the cons:
I have to hire a babysitter for the time I start until hubs gets home
My time won't always be my own
I'll miss F's bedtime twice a week

So now I have the wonderful task of trying to figure out how to do the mom thing, wife thing, and career woman thing.

Hopefully by the semester's end I will be saying...I knew I could do it.

~Lady Jane

Lesson Learned

One of the weirdest phrases I heard in my writing class was, "creative nonfiction." What does that even mean? I was at a loss for words. I had no idea how I supposed to get creative without being false or bending the truth. Had I been a reader of Real Simple magazine when taking the class, I would have known exactly what my professor meant. In each issue they have a section called "Life Lessons". I learn the strangest, saddest, and sometimes simple things when I read that section. This is creative nonfiction. These writers just seem to know how to paint a story without brushing over the truth.

So here goes, if I were to actually submit a piece for an essay contest about understanding the meaning of love it might go something like this:

My mother always used to say that I would never understand how much she loved me until I had a child of my own. There's no way that could be true. There were so many ways that my mother showed me love: supporting my talents by attending choir concerts, always being a listening ear, staying up with me to finish that forgotten term paper, always finding time to teach me valuable life lessons as she transitioned into grandmother-hood while I was still only eight. As I grew up with a matriarch overflowing with positive words and love, I never thought it would take me until I had my first child that I would truly understand. As I groggily woke up to feed my crying baby, carefully prepared his food, happily changed his diaper or enjoyed his coos and giggles I was reminded of all the loving attention given to me by my own mother as her youngest.

Due to medical complications, I didn't get to spend an entire week with my newborn and had to leave my son in the care of my mother. She was much older now, and physically less prepared to repeat the routine of a newborn baby. I ached to be out of my hospital bed and be home with my husband and son, but I knew that my son was more than competently cared for, perhaps even more so than by a brand new mommy like me. I knew that my son would be loved and given the attention that I would have given him myself.

My mom with my son

When I was finally discharged from the hospital, I still couldn't hold my son and walk at the same time thus the nighttime responsibilities again fell to my mother. It was after I had regained strength in my leg that I profusely thanked my mom for caring for my boy. She gushed about how much she loved being up with him in the middle of the night and not being sore or too tired (like having her own seven children felt). What I imagine she was trying to say, "You won't understand how much I love you until you have a child of your own." I wouldn't have done any different had it been my grown son and his family in need of service and I an older woman in her latter years. She managed to show me how much she could love her grandson and through this selfless act, I know what unconditional love truly is.

So mom, if you happen to read this I love you for all that you have ever done and still do for me!

~Lady Jane

School Year Resolutuions

08/06/12

I journaled yesterday (actually pulled out my physical journal and started writing). I loved it. I missed it. I wish I wasn't so caught up with nothings and focused more on important things. Yes, blogging is important to me. It had been over two years since I wrote in my journal. It's amazing how much you remember when you have to fill in all the gaps. Luckily, the gaps aren't too big because I've been blogging (for the most part).

As the new school year approaches, I can't help but make resolutions. It also reminds me of my favorite scene from You've Got Mail where Meg Ryan reads her email and smiles at the prospect of a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils. * TEAR* It gets me every time.

I started a book blog with my sister and some other family members and that lasted about two months (or less) until LIFE got in the way. I'm hoping that as soon as a few more projects are completed around the house I can settle into my routine and use nap time for "me" time. I have to admit though that I love looking around the house and thinking, "I could rearrange that," or "that could use some organization" "we could definitely donate that."

So what are your school year resolutions?

~Lady Jane

Endless Possibilities

Another month has passed and my pen is a little rusty. I feel like I haven't written in ages, but I have been otherwise occupied: setting up house. As much as I looked forward to having my own home (9 years in the making) I didn't realize so many projects lay ahead of me. Thankfully, we've had in our budget the ability to hire a painter. I'd probably still be sleeping in the guest room if I was in charge of painting which would have been really awkward when my parents came to stay. At this point in time, all the rooms have a purpose and direction. The husband has his office for the tortuous week he is on-call, although the guest room isn't painted yet, I have a design scheme in mind, our bedroom makes me happy every time I walk in, the kitchen just screams vintage eclectic (I'm screaming too) the living room exudes relaxation with a pop of excitement, the loft will play a key role in creativity as well as organization (my personal office space), and the little man has a mostly functioning bedroom and dresser situation. We bought a dresser for our son at a thrift store and immediately started brainstorming on how we could re-imagine it to fit our needs. However it is still presently in the entry way until we get it painted. (So many projects!) I haven't clawed out my eyes or pulled out my hair (yet) because I haven't gone anywhere in three days. I knew that home ownership would change me. If I waited three days to go anywhere if I was still living in the rental, I would be blind and bald.

I like being home. I am grateful that I get to be a SAHM especially in this economy. I love that I get to spend time with my son and teach him what an anemone is while watching Finding Nemo. I like looking out my kitchen window and seeing the mountains. And once we get around to it, I'll like my backyard too.



Pictures soon to come!

~Lady Jane

Lady Jane: Zero, Parenting: Won

8 June 2012

Well, parenting certainly won that round today. I am near my wits end trying to nourish my son. The only thing he consumes without hesitation is milk, yogurt, bread, and bananas. If I try to mix bananas into his yogurt, forget about it. He will try a bite of other foods and will immediately spit it out. I did get him to each some pureed sweet potatoes, so that was a success. I think it's a texture issue with him. But it's driving me insane! I started introducing gummy vitamins so that I could at least feel good about making sure he got them in another source, but every time I give him the vitamins he asks for fruit snacks. I'm not worried that he isn't healthy, he is quite the little muscle man. Perhaps I'm overcomplicating the matter; I know what foods I like and the ones I don't and I could literally eat cereal every morning for breakfast because it's quick and easy and F is my kid after all. Maybe he's just trying to tell me in his limited vocabulary that a variety of foods isn't for him (at least not yet). I doubt I'll have a long respite during F's nap time since he's so incredibly stubborn that all he ate was a piece of bread for lunch. I offered him one teddy graham for each bite of parfait he ate, but this little stinker wouldn't even dane to try it.

~Lady Jane