Unlikely

Inspiration hit me last night around 11 pm. Completely unheard of in my universe. I'm more of a thinker, doer in the morning hours, so what do you think I did? That's right, I did not go straight to the computer and write it down, nor did I pull out my smart phone to type in the thought either as it sat right there on a pile of books on my nightstand, literally less than a foot from me. I assumed that if it was important enough or clever enough that I would remember to pull it out of my subconscious in the morning. WRONG! I read somewhere (probably from Goldberg) to immediately write down a thought that comes to you. I suppose that's why she said she always carried a notebook with her every where she went.

For an avid writer, such as myself you would think that sudden inspiration would be more important than sleep. An author friend told me that the only uninterrupted time she got to write was after all the kids and even her husband were in bed.

Perhaps, one day I will actually finish the book I started my junior year of high school. If I deem sleep more important than writing, then finishing is highly unlikely.

~Lady Jane

Profession Confession

Sometimes I watch James Lipton's "Inside the Actors Studio". I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish I was in the audience when he's interviewed certain people (none of them come to mind right now), heck sometimes I wish I was the one being interviewed, excerpts of my work displayed on the giant screen. But the one question he always asks that gets me thinking is, "What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?" In another life I wanted to be a prima ballerina. I can dance, and I learn fast (at least I think I do). I think the desire manifested itself when my cousins took ballet. I was beyond jealous. And it manifested itself again in high school when I was posed with the task of choosing a Phys Ed credit (traditional P.E. or dance). The choice was a no-brainer. I wasn't the most coordinated gal so dance seemed to be the least embarrassing of the two options in front of me at the time. It's amazing how quickly a girl can feel graceful with a short ballet unit.

I just finished watching a documentary on Russian prima ballerinas called "Ballerina" (I found it on Netflix). * GULP * If I was an aspiring Russian ballerina I would have been kicked out at twelve. Ballet choreographers don't like hourglass figures, long and lean is their motto. Thus the ever-constant dreaming of having the right body type for it. I wonder if those ballerinas ever wished to have a fuller figure?

So, what profession would you like to attempt?

~Lady Jane

I Knew I Could Do It

I love it when I figure things out. Since having F I've felt like, at times, my brain doesn't operate at 100% like it used to. For the longest time I couldn't update my pages (have you even looked at those? Yes, those tabs at the top of the page for the curious eye) and it was driving me nuts! Do you want to know the problem, I had been able to post under another email login but I couldn't really change anything about my blog (especially the stuff that I wanted to change). I figured out I needed to name my other login an admin too. * SIGH *  That feels so much better!

But on another note, I feel like my life is going to become very stressful in the very near future. I'm going to have to learn how to really prioritize my time. I recently accepted an offer to be a vocal coach for a performing arts group. Yes, I sing too.

A couple of pros:
I'm getting paid!
It's in the afternoon so it shouldn't interfere too much with the home life
I'll be improving on my skills as a singer as well as my teaching skills
I get to do something fun

And the cons:
I have to hire a babysitter for the time I start until hubs gets home
My time won't always be my own
I'll miss F's bedtime twice a week

So now I have the wonderful task of trying to figure out how to do the mom thing, wife thing, and career woman thing.

Hopefully by the semester's end I will be saying...I knew I could do it.

~Lady Jane

Lesson Learned

One of the weirdest phrases I heard in my writing class was, "creative nonfiction." What does that even mean? I was at a loss for words. I had no idea how I supposed to get creative without being false or bending the truth. Had I been a reader of Real Simple magazine when taking the class, I would have known exactly what my professor meant. In each issue they have a section called "Life Lessons". I learn the strangest, saddest, and sometimes simple things when I read that section. This is creative nonfiction. These writers just seem to know how to paint a story without brushing over the truth.

So here goes, if I were to actually submit a piece for an essay contest about understanding the meaning of love it might go something like this:

My mother always used to say that I would never understand how much she loved me until I had a child of my own. There's no way that could be true. There were so many ways that my mother showed me love: supporting my talents by attending choir concerts, always being a listening ear, staying up with me to finish that forgotten term paper, always finding time to teach me valuable life lessons as she transitioned into grandmother-hood while I was still only eight. As I grew up with a matriarch overflowing with positive words and love, I never thought it would take me until I had my first child that I would truly understand. As I groggily woke up to feed my crying baby, carefully prepared his food, happily changed his diaper or enjoyed his coos and giggles I was reminded of all the loving attention given to me by my own mother as her youngest.

Due to medical complications, I didn't get to spend an entire week with my newborn and had to leave my son in the care of my mother. She was much older now, and physically less prepared to repeat the routine of a newborn baby. I ached to be out of my hospital bed and be home with my husband and son, but I knew that my son was more than competently cared for, perhaps even more so than by a brand new mommy like me. I knew that my son would be loved and given the attention that I would have given him myself.

My mom with my son

When I was finally discharged from the hospital, I still couldn't hold my son and walk at the same time thus the nighttime responsibilities again fell to my mother. It was after I had regained strength in my leg that I profusely thanked my mom for caring for my boy. She gushed about how much she loved being up with him in the middle of the night and not being sore or too tired (like having her own seven children felt). What I imagine she was trying to say, "You won't understand how much I love you until you have a child of your own." I wouldn't have done any different had it been my grown son and his family in need of service and I an older woman in her latter years. She managed to show me how much she could love her grandson and through this selfless act, I know what unconditional love truly is.

So mom, if you happen to read this I love you for all that you have ever done and still do for me!

~Lady Jane

School Year Resolutuions

08/06/12

I journaled yesterday (actually pulled out my physical journal and started writing). I loved it. I missed it. I wish I wasn't so caught up with nothings and focused more on important things. Yes, blogging is important to me. It had been over two years since I wrote in my journal. It's amazing how much you remember when you have to fill in all the gaps. Luckily, the gaps aren't too big because I've been blogging (for the most part).

As the new school year approaches, I can't help but make resolutions. It also reminds me of my favorite scene from You've Got Mail where Meg Ryan reads her email and smiles at the prospect of a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils. * TEAR* It gets me every time.

I started a book blog with my sister and some other family members and that lasted about two months (or less) until LIFE got in the way. I'm hoping that as soon as a few more projects are completed around the house I can settle into my routine and use nap time for "me" time. I have to admit though that I love looking around the house and thinking, "I could rearrange that," or "that could use some organization" "we could definitely donate that."

So what are your school year resolutions?

~Lady Jane

Endless Possibilities

Another month has passed and my pen is a little rusty. I feel like I haven't written in ages, but I have been otherwise occupied: setting up house. As much as I looked forward to having my own home (9 years in the making) I didn't realize so many projects lay ahead of me. Thankfully, we've had in our budget the ability to hire a painter. I'd probably still be sleeping in the guest room if I was in charge of painting which would have been really awkward when my parents came to stay. At this point in time, all the rooms have a purpose and direction. The husband has his office for the tortuous week he is on-call, although the guest room isn't painted yet, I have a design scheme in mind, our bedroom makes me happy every time I walk in, the kitchen just screams vintage eclectic (I'm screaming too) the living room exudes relaxation with a pop of excitement, the loft will play a key role in creativity as well as organization (my personal office space), and the little man has a mostly functioning bedroom and dresser situation. We bought a dresser for our son at a thrift store and immediately started brainstorming on how we could re-imagine it to fit our needs. However it is still presently in the entry way until we get it painted. (So many projects!) I haven't clawed out my eyes or pulled out my hair (yet) because I haven't gone anywhere in three days. I knew that home ownership would change me. If I waited three days to go anywhere if I was still living in the rental, I would be blind and bald.

I like being home. I am grateful that I get to be a SAHM especially in this economy. I love that I get to spend time with my son and teach him what an anemone is while watching Finding Nemo. I like looking out my kitchen window and seeing the mountains. And once we get around to it, I'll like my backyard too.



Pictures soon to come!

~Lady Jane

Lady Jane: Zero, Parenting: Won

8 June 2012

Well, parenting certainly won that round today. I am near my wits end trying to nourish my son. The only thing he consumes without hesitation is milk, yogurt, bread, and bananas. If I try to mix bananas into his yogurt, forget about it. He will try a bite of other foods and will immediately spit it out. I did get him to each some pureed sweet potatoes, so that was a success. I think it's a texture issue with him. But it's driving me insane! I started introducing gummy vitamins so that I could at least feel good about making sure he got them in another source, but every time I give him the vitamins he asks for fruit snacks. I'm not worried that he isn't healthy, he is quite the little muscle man. Perhaps I'm overcomplicating the matter; I know what foods I like and the ones I don't and I could literally eat cereal every morning for breakfast because it's quick and easy and F is my kid after all. Maybe he's just trying to tell me in his limited vocabulary that a variety of foods isn't for him (at least not yet). I doubt I'll have a long respite during F's nap time since he's so incredibly stubborn that all he ate was a piece of bread for lunch. I offered him one teddy graham for each bite of parfait he ate, but this little stinker wouldn't even dane to try it.

~Lady Jane

Back in 43,200 Minutes

We are officially moving! So I will be on hiatus for a month. Feel free to poke around and explore. Try some Goldberg writing practices if you feel so inclined. I hope you have a wonderful month! See you later.

~Lady Jane

Goldberg Nugget #6

Give me your morning

23 May 2012

I drifted in and out of consciousness as I heard the syncopation of the rain emanating from my iPod dock, awake just long enough to reach the snooze button for another glorious nine minutes of "sleep". As I tried to hold on to slumber, it slipped further and further away as I heard my husband cross the floor from the bathroom to his closet, turning the fan on a faster setting as he passed. "Drying off," I thought. I guess the rain was a little of the shower head too. I pulled the pillow sham from between my legs and propped myself against it as I checked on the boy from the video monitor. My drowsy hand searched for my glasses on the nightstand and discovered them exactly where I had left them the night before.

Even though the boy was mostly awake singing to himself, I figured I would have time to relieve myself and dress for the day. I softly closed my bedroom door behind me so as not to make a sound in the hope that I could take care of preparing the morning bottle. I trudged into the kitchen, flipping on the middle switch from the hallway. The light from the refrigerator brightened the kitchen by another 40 watts. I plucked the 8 ounce bottle from the shelf on the door, the gallon jug and proceeded to the microwave. Falling like a silk scarf, the white liquid gathered itself to the highest tick mark on the side of the bottle. I watched the bottle dance by itself as it heated in the microwave (or as I affectionately refer, a godsend). One last check on the boy on the monitor as I walk down the hall. I listen to the knob screech in excitement, echoing the happy shrills from my little man.

(6-7 months old)

Wishful Thinking

I wish...

I had the motivation to actually adapt a book into a screenplay and become the next Diablo Cody, although I realize the story of Juno was of her own imagination.

everyone could have what they needed and a few of the things that they desperately want.

I knew what the next five years would bring. 

I could just learn how to appreciate myself instead of constantly finding faults.

sensorineural hearing loss wasn't a part of my vocabulary.

I knew how to let go.

What do you wish for?

~Lady Jane

Adaptations

I figured that since the boy is occupied with toys and his beloved cartoon characters I would take a minute and express my excitement for a movie that has long been striving to appear on the silver screen: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. My husband loved the book as a kid, he says it has something to do with validation of being a genius kid. *Cough* Anyway, I read the book a few summers ago and really enjoyed it.

As far as I know, Card has wanted Ender's Game on the big screen for so long that Haley Joel Osment was considered for the role of Ender.

That's out of the question now. He could have been perfect! But imagine all of the special effects that could be done NOW! 

According to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender's_Game_(film) the kid from Hugo (Asa Butterfield) will be playing the role of Ender. I'm so excited to read who is playing what part, that I want to read the book all over again. Guess that means I've accepted the fact that my family won't be moving anytime soon so I better get to unpacking our books.

I know what you must be thinking, aren't I a reading enthusiast? Why would I pack my books away first?

What book would you like see turned into a movie? Perish the thought, but I think some books would have been better watched than read. Like any of the boring books that I had to read in high school and they were all about boys! What's up with that?!

In case you are a little like me and have dreamed about writing your own screenplay, I found a couple of sites that could come in handy.
http://www.writersstore.com/how-to-write-a-screenplay-a-guide-to-scriptwriting
http://www.simplyscripts.com/

Happy writing!

~Lady Jane

On the Brain

I think my brain is empty. I've had so many things on my mind lately that I don't even know what to post at the moment. BAM! It just hit me. I could talk about my upcoming tea party I'm planning for my 28th birthday with my two cousins and their cousin from their mom's side and my good friend Danny.

Why tea party? Because they're fun. I'm hoping to recreate as much as I can remember about my 8th birthday tea party. I know that we wore Sunday dresses, costume jewelry, hats and faux fur shawls. And we felt like princesses. At least I did. My other aunt was generous enough to send down her collection of hats, jewelry and faux furs that I'm hoping she might let me borrow what she has left.

I am beyond looking forward to this! A couple of years ago, I had mentioned this idea to the original party guests and they all said they were excited to do it again for my 28th. I was worried when one of my cousins moved out of the country, but was immediately relieved when I found out she was coming for a visit. Who cares if it's not on my actual birthday, I'm just glad the original group (plus Danny) will all be here to join in on the fun. So stayed tuned for some fabulous how-tos from me about pulling off a smashing tea party!

Also on the horizon: I love to sing, so I'm going to work on my craft this summer by joining a choir. I'm stoked!

What do you have planned for the summer?

~ Lady Jane

My Son

As Mother's Day approaches I reflect on the little miracle that made me a mom. I love my little boy and I thank Heaven that he came to me! Ever since he was born I felt like I was taking on a huge challenge to raise one amazing little man. Having received my Bachelors degree in teaching before F was born, I thought of all the wonderful things I could teach him as he grew. Little did I know, he has taught me more than I ever thought possible.

Minutes old

Days old

Month old

Six months old

He has taught me to love. I love him beyond description. When I found out that I was pregnant, people asked me "If you could choose the gender, what would you have?" Every time I replied, "Boy!" I don't know why even but as soon as we found out that little F was going to join our family, I felt blessed. I was going to raise a son of God and teach him how to be a good man like his daddy.

He has taught me to reflect. Because of him, I have appreciated the sound of a bird chirping and leaves blowing in the wind and the rain. All these things are new to this little person and he is helping me remember these simple pleasures.

He has taught me to be patient. There are those days, that every parent has, where fuses are short but they lengthen over time because my son reminds me what is really important. So what if we're a little late for an appointment somewhere because he wanted to learn how to climb into his car seat? So what if we don't make it to the grocery store today if we get to nurture our relationship by playing cars? 

He has taught me to be consistent. Children, especially mine like structure and consistency, once we created a bedtime routine, within days he was reminding us what came next. I have learned that when I give him a heads up on what's coming next, he transitions to the next activity (or naptime) almost seamlessly. 

One Year!

Eighteen months

Two years!

I am grateful beyond words (but I'll try to find them) that I have been with my little man for two years! Four weeks after his birth I got a blood clot in my leg. I didn't realize how life threatening a blood clot was at the time. I just kept thinking about how much I missed my sweet husband and my precious newborn. I wanted to get out of that hospital bed and go home to be with my family. I couldn't even feel like I was with him by sending home breast milk. I was on a cocktail of different medications and painkillers throughout my stay at the hospital that I couldn't even pump. That alone was disheartening. After my thrombectomy (blood clot removal) procedure I recuperated at my parents' house. I couldn't walk without the assistance of a walker, so midnight feedings were taken over by the hubs or my mother. I have been a mother two years now and plan on being one forever! I have enjoyed it too much.

And most importantly, I owe my life to my mother! Even after having the perfect Brady Bunch family, she didn't feel like her family was complete until I came along (that sounds really egocentric). What I'm trying to say is, "Thanks mom, for wanting me!"

June 2007

I hope you mothers out there enjoy your day!

~ Lady Jane

A Lot Can Change in a Matter of Hours

Have you been enjoying the roller coaster ride as much as we have? Like I said before, I should have learned my lesson seven years ago to never work with HUD. They weren't willing to negotiate the price or allow us to get another appraisal completed. Just a bunch of back and forth, "We sent it to you," "Well we didn't get it" so we walked away. It certainly wasn't worth the headache and motion-sickness anymore.

As much as I liked the layout of the house, it was definitely built in the 90s; weird niches for giant televisions gone extinct, outdated floor plans and not enough storage. The one thing that I will miss, is the backyard. I loved that backyard! I could imagine little F playing on his newly acquired plastic jungle gym/slide and walking in and out of the playhouse, while I happily watched him, washing dishes at the kitchen sink. There is another house out there for us, that will be the right one. I have to stay positive and motivated because there is no way I'm staying in this rental until I'm 30! Not gonna happen!

We'll keep looking (I've already found a couple strong contenders) and make plans to go look at some more. But past me has to convince future me not to get too excited about anything until I've weighed all the options. Who knew that making a Pro/Con list would help? I'm a believer!